Ghost Erections

I love scaring the shit out of myself. UFOs, ghosts, John Maher, they all give me the hee-bee-gee-bees. So I hate to have to admit this, I kind of have got into these ghost investigation shows on TV (Paranormal State being the most credible in my opinion).

There are two reasons why I watch them. First, I think 95% of the supposed paranormal things that happen are either bullshit or acted. I just have a feeling that when things are slow, the acting picks up to fill the gap. Second, the other 5% of the occurrences are actually intriguing without a real explanation. As a scientist I love that shit.

Now the other half of me being a 13 year old pervert, I also began to think of what I would do if I were a ghost. Here for every ones disgust/enjoyment is a top ten list. Happy Fucking Halloween Jagoffs.

1. Would constantly be searching for and watching boobs for hours and hours. That's just obvious if you are a warm blooded man.
2. In between looking at boobs, I would float around the people I do not like and would constantly be giving them a ghost teabags. You like your tea with one ball or two Mike Richards?
3. I would see if I could take a dump. If ghosts use energy to materialize, then that energy gets turned into entropy that must be discarded as waste. Just what exactly is that waste?
4. Once I figured out how to ghost poo, I would clog the toilets of the people I just ghost tea bagged.
5. I would just show up on one of these TV ghost investigations, materialize, introduce myself as Mr. Ghost, hence removing any doubt and cancelling these shows.
6. I would hunt and find Osama Bin Laden. Once found, I would haunt him as a rich obnoxious Jewish ghost character. That would just drive him up the cave wall.
7. I would write a blog called "Boo!, I am a Ghost"
8. I would attend all Penguins games choosing to sit on Sections E and F because of the good ice view and the good fans in those Sections. I would sit on the hottest girls face in the Section.....lol......Ghost Choad
9. I would float side-by-side with Limas Sweed and help him catch balls.
10. I would visit all of my friends wives, multiple times.

I have a plan for everything.